Xmas at last

I was told I was slacking by not having this post up by 11 am today. But...better late than never, right DAD.

Cold, but Beautiful

Lesson Time

We were looking at a tree.

(verbatim)

"Mommy...you should never climb trees all the way to the top
if you go to the top, it's TOO high
and you will fall
ahhhhhhhhhhh......(splat noise)
So that's why you shouldn't climb up trees
only squirrels
and bee hives, I guess
But then when you're going 'ahhhhhhhhh' down the tree
then the bees will get you and sting you
so it's better to stay inside,
and snuggle.
But sometimes, the bees will come inside,
and go "bzzzzzz bzzzzz bzzzzzz" all around in a circle
and its not where they're supposed to go
and that's why you shouldn't climb trees.
Okay, mommy?"

The new Bedtime Songs

The flip side

I look back at previous things I've written, and how easily I can shape things so that I remember the good times and the wonderful memories. It's not difficult - the cute moments aren't hard to come by and are so much more precious. And then you have weekends like this past weekend. I could show you the cute picture of them in the cart while we walked around Target window shopping at the toys: Brent up front, and Alex taking up the back of the cart. The few things we got were put underneath so that they wouldn't be destroyed before we got the counter. I could tell you how excited we were to splurge a little and buy them the movie "Horton Hears a Who" so that we could have a family movie night.

Or...I could write about how they both pouted that they couldn't have this toy or that as we walked the aisles...how they said they didn't want to see the movie anymore, they just wanted toys...how Brent's eyes welled up when he realized we were checking out and didn't buy them the toys they wanted...how no matter how much we told them that we were just looking around so we could tell Santa what they wanted because Christmas was in just another week or so, they still refused to budge on the tantrums.

I could share stories about the weekend mornings, when Brent and I are the only ones awake and we go out in the living room and curl up on the couch, watching cartoons, playing games on the computer together, and sharing breakfast and Oreos.

I could also point out that for the rest of the day, he had some bug up his little bum and there was one moment where I crossed the room and said loudly in his ear "HEY BRENT...CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?? Was I too far away when I was asking you 5 times not to spring around the couch near the corners of the coffee table...to add to the 1,536 other times I've told you that in the past week? Or how they both stauntly refused to eat barely any of their lunch and dinner, that I had used a REAL stove to cook, instead of the easy little box with numbers. By the end of the day my patience meter was at the red line.

"Guys...you're getting too wound up...settle down!!"
"Stop running, for the 9th time!!"
"Alex, stop pushing Brent around"
"Brent, stop teasing Alex"

"Alright, you know what??? EVERYBODY STOP!!!"
"Come over here"
"Please sit in front of me for a minute"

And I turned off the tv and put all their toys away and talked to them in the quietest of voices - that one you use when you're afraid to raise it or else it might turn into a series of chortled roars, with your eyes red around the edges and smoke seeping from your ears.

I told them how much I looked forward to the weekends so I could spend the whole day with them. We reiterated about the store tantrums and how fortunate they were and how much they had to be thankful for. We reminded them about how important it was to listen and not to run around so they wouldn't get hurt. And then I told them that we weren't watching the movie after all tonight, that they would have to wait and hopefully behave better tomorrow.

That was when they started paying attention.

And all of a sudden that awful present that they didn't want to watch was the most IMPORTANT movie they ever wanted to see. But... they knew better at this point than to push too much, at long last.

Sunday...I got my little angels back :) And the day got away from us with other things we were doing. But last night we all snuggled up and watched the movie, with root beer floats in hand. Mine made me cold, and Brent got me a blanket and snuggled up with me. I ended up falling asleep and missing the end, but they both filled me in after chiding me for watching it "with your EYES closed, mommy!!" I liked hearing their endings better though, what little I could understand through their excited babbling. I think I'll just choose to remember that part. The rest doesn't really matter anyhow.

Decorating

It is the most beautiful tree that I've ever seen.





I hope no one was counting, because there was just as much dancing and tickling going on as there was decorating.








Poised and Ready for Destruction:

Ever Thankful

I am thankful that he smiles so much, even when trying to look menacing.




I am thankful for family that always sticks by me.




I am thankful to have more to love.

I am thankful to get to watch two beautiful princesses grow into the strong women they will be.

I am thankful that there are always enough hugs to go around.

I am thankful for music to make the long trips go by faster, and that we always get home safely.

I am thankful that my life is streaming with beauty, both within me and around me

for new beginnings

for hope in the future

for the freedoms I take for granted, and for the ones I don't

For me, every day is Thanksgiving.

Feelin' the Love

So I guess I'm at this brief interlude in Brent's life where he actually enjoys spending time with me and isn't afraid to admit it. Each day I come home and ask the boys what their favorite part of the day was. Alex will tell me about his games, or something he did. Brent will 100% every time say "when you came home, mommy". Even if I press for something else, he remains adamant. Each night during our bedtime book and song, he'll go over how many days are left in the work week, until I can stay home all day for two days. I remind him that I do come home every night - that I'm not gone ALL day during the week. And last night he sadly says "But you missed the snow. Right mommy...you didn't see the snow with me because you were at work". Actually I missed it completely, since it only snowed for 15 minutes at the house, and not at my work. But it both makes me happy and sad that he longs to share those kinds of moments. I'm so flattered, and yet I don't want him missing out on one smile in life because of who he is or isn't sharing a moment with.

I remember during my early teenage years, when I refused to hold my dad's hand while walking around the mall, certain that some cute boy in my class would see me. But I also remember the things I don't necessarily share with my parents. Like how I can hear my dad singing "Puff the Magic Dragon" each time I sing it with Brent, and how I remember dancing with him when I was small. Only now I am the one reaching down instead of up. I can still give my mom a hug and it takes me back to all the days I was safe and loved and didn't have a care in the world.

I wonder sometimes if I'm one of the few that stress about these things...about what our children will remember. Will it be the times he smiled the most, or the least? Will it be our evenings dancing or laughing, or the moments I've lost my patience over things that weren't all that important? As parents, are we graded as pass/fail, a sliding curve, or somewhere in between? Either way, some days I feel like I aced it with flying colors, and other days I wonder why there was no prep course.

Next week Brent will be visiting his Dad. So I'll be my normal zombie self, I'm sure...wandering around like I've walked into a room and don't remember why or what I needed. It feels like when you've left for vacation and you know you've forgotten something important, but can't remember what it is. My alarm clock will be a normal one, and not the sound of "Mommy!! I have to go PEE PEE" (because no amount of pleading will convince a 4 year old that drinking two glasses of water before bed every night isn't the best idea, because he's SO THIRSTY!)

But as every year for Thanksgiving, at the top of the list is all of our health and love, and that will reach over infinite miles.

Finally

Finally, a change of tunes!
In a couple of weeks when he knows the lyrics better (or less, at the rate he's going) I'm going to attempt to get a video of us singing the new bedtime song.

Goofy

So we're trying out knock knock jokes, which seem to need a bit more understanding yet.

Us: Knock Knock!
Brent: Who's there?!
Us: Orange!
Brent: Oh! Why don't you come in then!!

Hmmmm....

Things have been pretty uneventful lately. Last weekend we watched as the majority of the leaves fell lifelessly to the ground, and the boys had so much fun running around the yard plowing through them, jumping in them, and throwing them over the other one's head. Sometimes it makes me sad that I've grown up (well, mostly...).

"No, just throw leaves, don't throw sticks at each other!"
"Don't jump into the pile if there is still someone in there trying to get out!"
"If you're going to pee on a tree, at least go further away from where you're playing!!!"

...and so on. But the cool part about growing up, is getting to watch the looks on their faces as they explore the world, oblivious of things like 'financial crisis' and 'failing economy'. Who cares! There will always be piles of leaves to jump in (I hope). There will always be sticks to swordfight with. And there will always be family there when you need them.

Last Friday, a younger co-worker was planning a party for Friday night, calling friends, arranging details. I called him "lame" for something he was talking about, secretly a little jealous of the aura of freedom that filled the room around him. He joked back that I was lame for having kids and not being able to go out.

I walked through the door that night and got my usual tackles from the boys. It is a race to throw down my things before they reach me most days. We ate dinner and talked about what they did today. Things erupted at some point into a tickle party, and then we flipped around the music channels and danced in a circle, holding hands at times, slapping our knees at the bluegrass, swinging to the old jazz tunes, flinging our heads around for the heavy metal. I collapsed on the couch and we all snuggled up and watched Kung Fu Panda.

If I knew being lame was so perfect, I'd have done it a lot sooner :)

A new dawn

For my child, for all children, and for all people.... I hope that a new direction can change things for your future. And I'm excited to be a part of it.

Happy Halloween!

The finished product!

Brent's Pumpkin


Alex's Pumpkin


The Fantasy:

We all sit around the table, talking about what designs the boys want on the pumpkins. The tops are carved off and they joyously dig into the mess inside, scooping and laughing. The time comes to make their designs and they carefully carve until they are happy with their pumpkin that they so carefully picked out. We take them out into the night and light them ceremoniously, with little eyes wide with wonder and excitement.

The Reality:

We all sit around the table, talking about what designs the boys want on the pumpkins. The tops are carved off....(so far so good)... and they look at us like we're insane. We animate and start scooping, raving about how fun the disgusting goop and seeds are to play with. We finally make them at least scoop a little bit, and they do it with grimaces of hatred. I take 10 minutes to finish doing the scooping while they wipe their hands on a towel and then fling it around, spraying pumpkin spittle all over the room.

The only carving kit I could find yesterday was a recipe for finger loss, so I had them pick out a design and I was going to carve it for them while they helped a little and watched. They happily picked from the samples I had, and one by one they sat beside me patiently and excitedly watched as their pumpkin was being transformed. Oh wait...back up... They hemmed and hawed about the designs, and then proceeded to dance around the room having the following conversation in the background while I'm trying to carve:

Alex: Hey Brent...I have batteries in my butt!
Brent: What??? What's in your butt!!?!?!
Alex: Batteries!
Brent: What are those for? To poop on bad guys??
Alex: YES! That's it!
Brent: Lets find some bad guys so we can poop on them!
Alex: Alright!!!!!

The pumpkins get finished, and we take the out into the night and light them ceremoniously, with little eyes wide with wonder and excitement. They shout and giggle "They're GLOWING!!" and skip around. Alex trips over a cord and skins his hand, and then it's time for baths and bedtime stories.

Life isn't always the fantasies that we imagined...but I wouldn't change a thing. The best parts write themselves every day.

Hmmmm....do I really have to pick just one?






Ummm...it's really BRIGHT!






Haystorm!

More pictures

I know I have been lax in posting more pictures. Life is just so busy and full of fun that my camera is constantly missing or hiding under a picture drawn at school, or more often, I just forgot where I left it.

But I do have a few special ones that I've saved up...

This first one I took this morning, while breakfast was being made. The boys took a blanket and snuggled up on the couch together. See, Brent has one arm draped over Alex's chest, and they both have their hair still tossled from the night, wearing goofy half-asleep smiles and fighting to make sure both of them have their feet inside the tiny blanket.

Next is one from yesterday, when Brent went in to wake Alex up (he's the lump completely under the covers). The yelling is what you hear coming from that lump, protesting the start to the day. It looks like Brent and I are just poking him, but we're making little kissing noises to go along with it. Usually that'll bring the grump out from under the covers after letting a few giggles sneak out first.

This one was taken just after that, with then holding hands while they walked down the hallway, trying to look like the little angels that they...well...TRY to be. :)

Oh here's one of my favories! You can't really see me in it. I'm kneeling on the floor after coming home from work. I tried to get my things down in time before they came barrelling at me full force with hugs. I remember that their hair still smelled great and how I went back and forth kissing them on the foreheads as they grappled and tried climbing on top of my head. I don't remember what day that was - they all run together sometimes...

This is one of Mike flipping through the music channels while me and the munchkins danced before bedtime. We learned the salsa, did some square dancing, a little head banging, some bluegrass silly dancing. Oh, and that techno station got some weird moves out of Brent. I'm almost glad there's no pictures of that!

Oh now here's a sweet one. There they are sitting nicely on the floor, hands on their knees, in their listening position. They get so excited about learning things and practicing with their flash cards. Right here is where Alex got stumped on a word and Brent was trying to whisper the answer to him. Usually its the other way around, but they both love helping each other. Sometimes during dinner they take turns asking each other to say their numbers or just babble back and forth about things they're learning.

I probably shouldn't post this one. This one could be from any night. It's after their showers, and they're running around the house using their towels as capes. Everyone they pass shouts "NAKED BUTT!" as they round corners to give everyone kisses before bed. Like slick oiled pigs they evade the person holding the pajamas and shriek from room to room, skipping like little bare skinned elves, using their one last bout of energy from the day. "No one wants to see your naked butts!," we plead as they run past, but to no avail.

And lastly, even though it was hard to get this picture in the darkened room, is Brent and I laying in his bed after reading his nightly book. You can see his arm hanging around my neck as he's bundled up in his blankets for the night. We are in the middle of singing "The Gambler"...again...just as we do every night. I beg to sing something different. I get denied. But this way is nice too, since he knows all the words and sings along with me. Just looking at this picture, I can smell his breath still tinged with Spongebob bubblegum toothpaste and the baby shampoo still wet in his hair as he snuggles up close. Pretty soon it will have been time for the last line of the song, which I always let him sing by himself. Then he will give my neck a firm squeeze and roll over to go to sleep. As I try to leave the room, he'll shout "Goodnight!!" and "See you in the morning!" and "I LOVE YOU" and "MMMMMwah!!" (big kissing noise)

What? You can't see the pictures? It must be an issue with your computer... because I can see them just perfectly ;)

And they're 4!!

I promise I will try not to make this a sappy post, so you can keep reading (*you know who YOU are*). And all the fun the boys had opening presents and going insane kept my nostalgia at bay anyhow. Also, we now have the "But you're a BIG BOY now" routine to throw at them when they decide to whine about not having the right color socks, or stealing each others toys, or whatever else is irritating them at the moment.

Without further ado...PICTURES of the oddball 'twins' (can you even tell them apart???):

Double Trouble

I think that is the theme of my life these days - Double Trouble. I remember pondering what it would be like to have two children - whether they would play together and provide more overall peace, or whether it would be a constant battle of breaking up fights. Now that I have two, and both the same age, I can see that it's somewhere in between. But not really like an average...more like a see saw with it rotating between extremes. Some days I just find myself watching them in loving awe as they trip over themselves to share and be nice. And some days I just want to smack them on the back of the head for being mean to each other. On fun days, it switches hourly!

But more really is merrier, and watching the two of them with their different personalities and varying strengths, it just gets better by the day. This morning I hear that the teacher at school just raved about how smart they both were - how they know so much more than the other kids in the class, and I just melt with pride over them.

I'm feeling luckier by the day :)

And it rolls around again

I can tell fall is here, or almost here. We already have the first of those large dew covered spider webs placed conspicuously on the eaves. And one on the rose bush by the driveway. Just when you become accustomed to walking around where they left last night's meal trap, they move it just for fun, I think.

Tonight we'll pack up and head off to the park to play with Lucy, picnic dinner in hand. In a few short weeks that same playground will be blanketed with oak and maple leaves, the trees leaving their dirty laundry for the wind to distribute as it will. One holiday after another will keep us all busy the next few months. I think its designed that way to keep us distracted while the flowers stop blooming and fade away, and the breezes turn from warm friendly waves to tiny prickled fingers on our cheeks.

Another birthday is coming up! I look back to this time last year, and realize my wobbly little toddler is turning into quite the "boy" now. We're teaching him to spell different words, to do some basic addition, and every time he rattles off some amazingly right answer, I am forced to let go a little more of my baby crush on him. I want to go back and delete every aggravated post I ever wrote on here where I complained about waking up for nighttime feedings. I want to take back every time I groaned when I picked up his 15 lb chubby lovely self, wishing he would start walking soon.

He's going to be 4 in 9 days. Four years of waking up to that smile, fourteen more to go.

I think I mentioned we've been singing "The Gambler" before bed each night. Already he knows most of the words and sings along with me. I beg each night to start a different song, and each night he forces the same one on me. Last night somewhere in the middle, I started smiling while I was singing. It was dark and we could barely see each other, but he heard it in my voice and reached out and touched my lips to make sure. Then I saw him smiling back, and when the last line came around, I let him do it solo, as I often do. Then he rolled over on top of me and squeezed his arms around my neck. "You can't get up, mommy". "I bet I can!," I said. And I pretend to exert all my energy without luck. He giggles and finally I shoved him back over to his side and we say our goodnights. What will our little routine be by his next birthday? He may even be reading to me each night by then. But I'll still be smiling through it...

Last night before bed, we laid there and talked for a few minutes. He glanced around the room and started in on his favorite pasttime. "Look mommy - I made that lamp for you!!" "Mommy...I made this blanket for you!!!" "I made this animal for you, mommy...do you like it?" He could do this for hours, handing me invisible objects at times, or favorite toys of his own.

He looked at the poster on the wall. "Mommy, I made you a rainbow! And a unicorn!" "Really", I said. "that IS a unicorn up there. Do you know what its called when a horse has wings instead of a horn? Then it's called a 'Pegasus.'"

"No, mommy." He said as if he were correcting an unruly student "That's how you say it in Spa-nish"

Rock you like a hurricane

Well, we're not getting the actual hurricane, but the remnants are swirling today, bringing lots of rain. And more rain. And some wind. And more rain.

We go out on the stoop and run the bubble machine and watch as the winds carry them far and near. We are all feeling rainy-day lazy.

New Beginnings

This morning Brent and Alex ate their pancakes.
They put on nice clothes and new shoes.
They wrestled and got put into time out. Three times in 10 minutes.
They put on their backpacks filled with their daily snack and an old shirt for art.
They walked into pre-school and sat in a line with their new teacher.
They barely turned around to blow kisses as they studied the other kids.
They grew up again, too much for one day. Too much for any day.

Home again

I can't believe I'm 33 years old and I still have a hard time saying goodbye on these trips. It just never gets easier! Brent and I sat in the terminal watching the buzz of people getting our plane ready for its early flight. His were glazed over with tired...mine were trying to hold back tears. I know I'm overly sentimental, but family is just so important to me. And to see my little guy having a chance to bond with his grandparents just fills me with pride. I know we saw and did a lot while we were out there, but I think we had just as much fun cleaning the garage with my dad, or reading stories with grandma.

Every day brought new adventures, and yet there was a lot of time for relaxing and enjoying the beautiful landscape. We took nature walks around the property, picked vegetables from the garden most nights. I watched as Brent learned how to open up the peas and eat them raw, just as I loved to do when I was growing up. We played ball on the porch in the evenings, the smell of bear musk faint in the cool breezes. We watched the thunder clouds roll in from the mountaintop in the late afternoon most days, and even got to spend one night in the RV watching the lightning and listening to the wind and rain swirl around us.

Last night Brent woke up 5 minutes after I had put him to bed. He couldn't tell me why he was so upset, and he was so choked up that words weren't even coming out. But I know he was both glad to be home, and missing the special days we just had. I just held him for awhile, watching his eyes roll back in his head as he fought sleep. He asked me to sing to him, and I crooned his favorite Kenny Rogers song as he tightly gripped my thumb in his warm hand and fell off to sleep at last.

Pike's Peak

On Friday we took a train to the top of Pike's Peak, a mountain over 14,000 feet tall. There weren't many pictures taken from the top, because it made me just a little dizzy. But it was an absolutely beautiful ride, and after awhile I stopped taking pictures and just got lost in the view. We saw some sheep, which I got pictures of, and a mountain goat, which I didn't.

Yesterday we just hung out and rested up. And in a few minutes, if Brent EVER decides to finish his lunch, we'll be headed to the Colorado state fair in Pueblo for our last big hoorah of the trip.

Also, Friday night Brent and Gram-pa spent the night in the RV, and last night I took the shift. We listened to the thunder and watched the lightening, and listened for bears (there weren't any!). Brent slept great. But it often goes that way when you sleep diagonal in the small bed and hog all the covers on a cold night.

This buck was in the yard, with two smaller bucks. They let me get about 15 feet away before I got this look. You can see one of the smaller ones in the shadow.