Growth

It's funny how quickly it happens. One moment you're carrying around a 10 lb infant - complaining about the heaviness. Then *blink* it's 20 lbs on your hip as you wander through the store, or carry the last few minutes of a nature walk. Then *blink* suddenly a 30 lb toddler is begging to walk during these outings, and the main goal is to keep him close. And the walks turn into pauses between sprints. The lessons for him are endless, the cycles of nature, the boyish shadow following him, the reflection of the sun in dewdrops. The lesson for me is usually patience - learning to lose myself alongside of him in the intricate study of an ordinary leaf or bug - instead of hurrying to the next sight or fussing at him to catch up.

He notices it too lately, this rapid growing and changing. He asks to be held at the strangest times, sometimes laying his head on my shoulder. "Are you a tiny baby again?", I ask. "Mmmm Hmmm" he replies sadly. And I hardly notice the extra weight, and instead cling to the few remaining moments like this one. Being a mom has gone from meeting basic needs, to having conversations and explaining the world. The things I fretted about for so long, such as nighttime bottles, or ridding the world of small dangers and choking hazards, or potty training, have faded away into small accomplishments on the path to something greater. Each day his depth of life increases in every direction.

He played yesterday in the excavated dirt from the addition that is being built onto the house. Handful by tiny handful, he carried grains of sand from one pile and placed them on a brick a few feet away. "Help, mommy? Help Brent?", he asked quite sincerely. "You want me to help you carry dirt?" I asked half laughing "I'm not sure this is a project I can really get into." But then I looked up and saw the pleading in his eyes. This was a big deal, and he just needed a little bit of help. I'm sure the things I ask him to do, like clean up toys or wash his hands, seem just as needless to him. So we carried over handful by handful, until the specified amount was on the brick. Then it was on to the next project, on to studying budding trees, on to more growing up.

*blink*