Decisions

This winter has been a tough one on Brent, my brave little boy who is growing into a man before my eyes every day. His parents are separated, he's living in a new apartment. And yet he doesn't skip a beat. He takes it all in stride and continues to be the fantastic soul I know him to be. I wish we all could be that strong.

And, so to help with a little thing, I've made a decision that matters not in the grand scheme of things, but it's hard for me. I'm taking a hiatus from being a vegetarian for now. Because that brave little boy just doesn't want to eat. And by the time I've made him something, and me something else, and we've all had different meals at different times...well, it's just not working. He wants to be part of something. He wants to hold his plate the way I'm holding it, and he wants to see me eating what he's eating, and he wants to use the fork that I'm using. And it's working. He's settling in and eating better, and seems more contented by it. I don't consider this a small sacrifice. But he's made some for me, and now I make one for him. He's worth that and much more.

I'm amazed every day at something about him that changes. He is like a wild river twisting around every bend, finding new experiences and emotions. His soul is both fluid, and set in stone, all at once. I ask him if he likes what he's eating, and he answers with the word "delicious". What a big word for such a small person, I think. Or sometimes he will point at the sunset and exclaim "incredible, mommy!". Where is he doing all this growing? He walks out in the morning and finds new things that we've hung on the wall and is instantly mesmerized. "Beautiful! Great job, mommy!".

He likes to play the teacher with me, asking me what colors objects are, and congratulating me for right answers, or correcting me if I'm 'wrong'. In the truest sense, he is my teacher, because every day I see through his eyes, I learn something new myself. I learn that no matter what life throws at us, it's still possible to focus on the positive.

Last night I was watching tv, and he crawled up and laid on top of me, and let me stroke his hair for a few minutes...a rare snuggle from an independent creature. And I have just enough time to smell the top of his head and know that there are some things that always stay perfect and unchanging, before he leaps away again. Incredibly delicious :)